'Power of Mind' by Rashmi

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Confessions Of A Writer

Confessions Of  A Writer

I have written so many posts on this Blog. I have made you to cry, laugh and feel happy.. But today I am going to pour out some quashed feelings and pent up emotions here.

My writing career began I guess, when I was 3-4 years old, when I was awarded a set of pencil and color crayons for my skill. And from that day I think, I had to never look back. My skill was always applauded and hailed. With the passage of time I became the best Debater, Essayists, Dramatist, of my college. My Parents were undoubtedly so very proud of me. 

As the hands of the clock moved on, so did my life with its every 'tick-tick'. I got married before I could properly finish my education. Hey hold on! I am not going to come up with some boring narration of Domestic Violence or Sobby Stories, suggesting of my skill's curtailment or something like that because I never stopped writing. It was only this that now my Diaries had become my best friend. I loved reading out my stories and 'feel' to whoever I could and literary ate their heads off!!

One day making such an effort to find way into someone's heart and mind through my stories, I swear, I seriously moved that person's heart and she genuinely asked to get them published somewhere.. .. the idea was good and in fact really energized me and I saw a ray of hope  shimmering over my boring daily chores. I was at that time teaching English in the senior section of Mount Carmel School, Hazaribag and the the job left me so drained and taxed that I should have had no reason to be bored. But I was bored- damned bored because my mind wasn't getting its fodder!

Time was flying by and I too was sailing on its wings, sometimes  I fell flat and hurt my nose too but went on writing..

That Phone Call

One day I received a phone call from a very prestigious newspaper. My friend had mentioned my name to them and that mere phone  call convinced me that I was going to become a very renowned Writer. This was almost a decade back. I reached the Newspaper's office confidently with my more confident diary in hand. But lo! My dreams were shattered like bread crumbs and I could visualize millions leech feeding on them and I mean this. 

The Man  : "So you write stories?"
I (excitedly) : " Yes, I do Sir"
The Man ( going fleetingly though my precious manuscript): "Hmmmmm... O.K...  So when have you written this?"
I  :" Sir the date is written there. In 2003"
The Man  : "No, I mean.. errrr.. When did you write this?"
 I repeated ( getting confused): "Sir, the date is written, I guess ..."
The Man ( now getting restless-probably he was annoyed at his friend's choice) : "I mean, how many pegs had you taken when you wrote this and did you write this during the night.....".


I quietly took my diary from him and got up. He understood that I wasn't that type and he did not stop me either, nor did any phone call came from his end. After all I was boring and 'behenji'. 

The leeches were now crawling up from my foot to my spine! 

But I went on writing and had by now 2 blogs with Google Page Ranks and my blogs showing in the Asia Section of an International Website http://news.net . I WAS CONTENT. Thank you Phil Davis( We just interacted on mail- that's it!!!)

But God finally thought that the shrunken heart of this Writer of his should get some award- so by sheer luck my debut novel Love's Journey got published last year, without even meeting the Publishers!!! Everything was done online. Now this once again rebooted my faith in the writing Industry. 

After my debut, I wrote 2 books, Taming the Restless Mind and The Fallen Love and had a very good treatment from the Publishing houses. Though some agreed that I was good looking too, but my writing certainly took the upper hand. I didn't make money but my writing gained fame... AND I WAS THOROUGHLY HAPPY!!!


The recent meeting with a man was extremely shocking. I was called at a 5 Star hotel in Delhi to talk and discuss about a project but as the talk progressed I guessed what it was all about..EXPLOITATION!! 

The man in his eighties, having 3 books to his credit already, probably wanted to write another book for himself in which he would just guide me ( So that he remains the Author). He wanted a 'Dummy Writer'. In return,  he offered me a lump sum money and my name engraved in small fonts on/ in the book in some insignificant corner. I realized, I was being bought out... money was there and everyone likes it but I would break my Readers' heart and my Readers are my God and I can not play foul with their feelings.. 

 I rushed out of the Hotel and messaged the Man from my car, " SORRY I DO NOT LIKE YOUR FACE, HENCE WILL NOT DO THE PROJECT...." And quietly closed my eyes with inner peace illumining my heart, mind and face..