Living In Or Living Out? by Rashmi Singh- published in Spectralhues.

‘Live-in-Relationships’: Living In Or Living Out?

Recently a student of mine came in the class with a black eye and swollen face. While in the class, I could see that she was extremely restless. As the class was over, I asked her to stay back. She did without asking any questions. Anyways this wasn’t a school ‘stay back’ and she had nothing at risk. Generally the students and their parents are quite close and connected to me.

I could quite see through her uneasiness which was engraved all over her face. “What’s the matter Rani(name changed)?” I asked her. “Nothing ma’am”, she replied evading me. “I.. uh. .just fell off my scooty”, she continued further but still avoided me. I thought it best to leave the topic there itself. The next batch was almost getting restless to barge in.

The same evening I got a call from her mother which was quite disturbing and made me to think where actually we are heading? The girl was in a relationship with a boy and they were both just sixteen! The mother was cautiously using the word ‘friend’ instead of ‘boyfriend’. The boy had hit the girl badly on some petty issue but her daughter was not ready to break the ongoing friendship. That evening the mother rang me up five times, asking me to guide the girl. She wanted me to convince her to break her friendship with the boy. The mother had failed in doing so! However it was a relief for me, that she knew that her daughter had this ‘friend’ or you can say I was rather happy that there was some communication going on between them! There have been many instances where there was no communication- many parents don’t even know what is happening behind their back!

And this instance led me to think also about the latest trend of ‘living in’. This concept and the music heard after the breakup of any ‘live-in’ has really boggled my mind. ‘Live in Relationships’ is undoubtedly a very bold alternative to marriage and extremely liked by the youth.

The youth today find the option of ‘live-in’, quite appealing as they can, whenever they want, disentangle themselves, and go on their own respective ways! There is no bondage. This is seen as arrangements where two people who are not married live together in an intimate relationship, particularly an emotionally and/or sexually intimate one, on a long-term or permanent basis. But the disturbing fact here is that most ‘think of walking out easily’ rather than ‘keeping’ such relationships forever. Majorly view it as unchained way to taste all the flavors of marriage!

 And recently all the newspaper reads have certainly left my mind swirling! The violence and murders associated with this kind of relationships are increasing by leaps and bounds. What is more disturbing is this that now the violence does not have to come up after marriage- they are happening before- in ‘live-ins!’ And just think all this is termed as a ‘test’ to go ahead for a marriage or not!

I think, gradually the concept of ‘abuses in relationships’ have changed over the years! A couple of years back, we were mostly concerned or to say rather the social activists were mainly talking about the violence which accrued in marital zone but I think, now the area or zone has expanded or diversified!

Rashmi Singh

The present scenario is really pathetic! People in ‘love’ and ‘relationships’ are facing this ‘abuse’- and it is majorly the woman, who have to bear the brunt of this ‘live in’ status. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not against ‘love’ or ‘love marriages’. I am very open to it. The only thing I want to warn the youth is to stay away from experimenting relationships in a scientific way. The emotional baggage has to come even if the separation comes from a live-in partner! Everyone can’t be Angelina Jolie. Even Kareena didn’t shift with Saif before marriage! My advice: Prove yourself, be on your feet and enjoy your life safely. But in the end, it is your life-I am just an adviser!  

About the Author:

Rashmi Singh is the author of famous books Love’s Journey, The Fallen Love, Taming the Restless Mind and Back to School @30. She is also a Personality Development-Soft Skills Trainer, Counselor based at Faridabad.