‘Live-in-Relationships’: Living In Or Living Out?
Recently a
student of mine came in the class with a black eye and swollen face.
While in the class, I could see that she was extremely restless. As the
class was over, I asked her to stay back. She did without asking any
questions. Anyways this wasn’t a school ‘stay back’ and she had nothing
at risk. Generally the students and their parents are quite close and
connected to me.
I
could quite see through her uneasiness which was engraved all over her
face. “What’s the matter Rani(name changed)?” I asked her. “Nothing
ma’am”, she replied evading me. “I.. uh. .just fell off my scooty”, she
continued further but still avoided me. I thought it best to leave the
topic there itself. The next batch was almost getting restless to barge
in.
The same
evening I got a call from her mother which was quite disturbing and made
me to think where actually we are heading? The girl was in a
relationship with a boy and they were both just sixteen! The mother was
cautiously using the word ‘friend’ instead of ‘boyfriend’. The boy had
hit the girl badly on some petty issue but her daughter was not ready to
break the ongoing friendship. That evening the mother rang me up five
times, asking me to guide the girl. She wanted me to convince her to
break her friendship with the boy. The mother had failed in doing so!
However it was a relief for me, that she knew that her daughter had this
‘friend’ or you can say I was rather happy that there was some
communication going on between them! There have been many instances
where there was no communication- many parents don’t even know what is
happening behind their back!
And this
instance led me to think also about the latest trend of ‘living in’.
This concept and the music heard after the breakup of any ‘live-in’ has
really boggled my mind. ‘Live in Relationships’ is undoubtedly a very
bold alternative to marriage and extremely liked by the youth.
The
youth today find the option of ‘live-in’, quite appealing as they can,
whenever they want, disentangle themselves, and go on their own
respective ways! There is no bondage. This is seen as arrangements where
two people who are not married live together in an intimate
relationship, particularly an emotionally and/or sexually intimate one,
on a long-term or permanent basis. But the disturbing fact here is that
most ‘think of walking out easily’ rather than ‘keeping’ such
relationships forever. Majorly view it as unchained way to taste all the
flavors of marriage!
And
recently all the newspaper reads have certainly left my mind swirling!
The violence and murders associated with this kind of relationships are
increasing by leaps and bounds. What is more disturbing is this that now
the violence does not have to come up after marriage- they are
happening before- in ‘live-ins!’ And just think all this is termed as a
‘test’ to go ahead for a marriage or not!
I think,
gradually the concept of ‘abuses in relationships’ have changed over the
years! A couple of years back, we were mostly concerned or to say
rather the social activists were mainly talking about the violence which
accrued in marital zone but I think, now the area or zone has expanded
or diversified!
Rashmi Singh
The
present scenario is really pathetic! People in ‘love’ and
‘relationships’ are facing this ‘abuse’- and it is majorly the woman,
who have to bear the brunt of this ‘live in’ status. Please don’t get me
wrong. I am not against ‘love’ or ‘love marriages’. I am very open to
it. The only thing I want to warn the youth is to stay away from
experimenting relationships in a scientific way. The emotional baggage
has to come even if the separation comes from a live-in partner!
Everyone can’t be Angelina Jolie. Even Kareena didn’t shift with Saif
before marriage! My advice: Prove yourself, be on your feet and enjoy
your life safely. But in the end, it is your life-I am just an adviser!
About the Author:
Rashmi
Singh is the author of famous books Love’s Journey, The Fallen Love,
Taming the Restless Mind and Back to School @30. She is also a
Personality Development-Soft Skills Trainer, Counselor based at
Faridabad.
